Today I have been married 11 years. You wouldn’t believe it, but I knew my husband for just 1 month, and then we got married. Now here we are 11 years later, and 6 pretty awesome kids later. If I had any advice to give it would be this: Always try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes/place, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Communicate, and try not to be selfish.
Now to the main reason for this blog today. There is one very important reason I have chosen NOT to run a forum: people moderating your life. For the most part forums are pretty great, and I frequent many of them. The information, and interaction really helps a lot of people. It gets information out there, and gives people a place to openly ask their questions.
I try my utmost best to respect the rules of forums, but yes have made a mistake on my own part, and broken a rule here and there. Most people take their time, explain this to me, and are generally pretty understanding. I appreciate that, and thank them for their time.
Other then that, forums moderate people’s lives, and don’t give people the freedom to say what they please. It is not a free speech, say what you please, type of place. Mind you, not everyone is saying good things, but I am speaking in general, for those people with good intentions, just living out their daily life trying to be themselves. Forums have broken up henna communities, and people. Those are a few of my personal reasons.
I wouldn’t open up a forum, where I would tell people what to say, or do. You can advise people, and then you have to let them go, and be who they are. A blog, on the other hand, is a person’s soapbox. You can stand up on your blog, and give your 2 cents. This is freedom, and this is you keeping it real. This is YOUR very own place. This is common knowledge though, and people automatically know that about blogs.
What has happened to myself in particular is that a few forums have begun to elmininate certain parts that are being posted in signatures. Such as business links to your shop. This I understand. Okay, fine.
Then before that elimination, there is my name Khadija, written in arabic next to it. Mind you, I’m not Arab at all and don’t speak Arabic (in case anyone is wondering, or ever has been, we are an italian/guyanese/african america/canadian/american family), and someone else on the forum offered to write it for me, so I could post it as part of my signature. So I did. They made a fuss about it because people couldn’t understand it, and whatever, whatever about it. Something about things can really only be in english, or something like that. I thought that Khadija written in Arabic looked really beautiful. It’s an elegant form of script. In the end, they allowed me to keep it up. Yeah!
Then came the pictures I have up on the forum, where some of them have my business link on them. This prevents theft, and copyright, as in the henna community it is very well known that plenty of people steal other people’s photos and show them off as their own. So I mark most of my photos in that way. So this also becomes a problem, and it has to be taken down. I don’t do it right away (as I didn’t realize they had meant right away, and thought they were considered old text, and not part of the newly updated rules), and so they are taken down. I’m not sure which ones, and they don’t let me know which ones so that I could fix them, and replace them. Okay so what’s done is done: fine. My pressure goes up a bit, and level of patience goes down some.
Then, this part really takes the cake for me, they say another picture of my daughter, Mariyah, has to be removed, and they take it down. It’s a picture, which is below, of her looking cute, with her hair blown out, giving us the peace sign with two of her fingers. They tell me that in Europe, and certain countries, that this means f-you to some people. Now I really feel discrimnated against. I am seriously hurt, and upset at this point. To me, this is DISCRIMINATION. I am a North American woman, and this means peace. To me this is unjust.
This could have been fixed with perhaps some notes under the photo saying this means peace to you. Why would I have my daughter saying f-you to people? What kind of mother do they think I am? I have had this picture up for close to a year, because this photo was taken in June 2009. Now all of a sudden, it becomes an issue??
Forums run by businesses are regulated from a business perspective to benefit those people running it, and now you have everyday forums run by people who are still regulating us.
I’d really like to hear from all of you, who follow my blog, to let me know your thoughts.
Wow. Yes, some forums are beginning to take it too far. I’ve been an active member of such one for going on 6 yrs and suddenly they decided to have issue with my screen name and I “disappeared” and was given a number for a name with no notice. I was upset, contacted them and my profile name was eventually restored. Why all the fuss? Because of the first 3 letters of my profile name might offend someone. Not my whole name which obviously stood for something else. Just the first 3 letters…Apparently, I was among quite a few who just happened to have names beginning with those first 3 letters or similar letters where someone chose to make a big deal over “look what that can spell if you remove/switch add this!” who suddenly found themselves a number.
Your daughter is beautiful and I don’t see anything wrong with the pic or any pic you’ve ever posted, much less your name in Arabic.
The first 3 letters are you kidding me?! All that wasted time, and energy for what (for them in the end?). WOW! ridiculous.
Thank you for your post 🙂
you daughter’s photo is so beautiful and i can see where you’re coming from! this is really out of sense and that what happens when uneducated people are in-control. they will practice their rights to the limits and start to forget that this is just a forum, and as we have limits when writing in forums, they have limits in getting into our lives and try to make a trouble out of nothing!
and this is really insulting! who’d be proud to put a photo of her kid (and not any kid, a little angel” doing an f-you sign!
i’m really sorry for you Khadija
As I have nothing better to do just now I thought I’d have a look on the internet at the F U sign that Europeans are suppose to take offence at and guess what I found an even better one that Princess Diana is showing see (deleted because was unsure of link)
Well I have had a laugh and your daughter is indeed cute – does she also have that serene calm attitude and nature that goes with the cute georgeous look – if so can you find a way of bottling it and sending it to me – I could do with some of that for my two boys! They too are georgeous but oh we have our moments! This I think is my first response to a blog/forum what ever so I am not able to comment on whether they go too far! Nothing like sticking to the subject!!
Thank you Rose, and Meena 🙂
Meena I didn’t really see what you meant with princess Diana. Do I have to sign in or add them as a friend to see that? or was it a joke of sorts? 🙂
A good lesson learned for all of us, and plus I felt someone should say something about how forums can be limiting,and just to talk about it openly, and as food for thought.
PS Thanks for the comments on my daughter. She’s a pretty good kid. A little bit to herself at times, like she’s going to be trying to discover herself (on a path of discovery)
Well, this global network is connecting people from all parts of the world. Should you force yourself to learn the traditions of all nations and tribes in order not to be offensive to anyone!? That’s impossible.
A.G. That’s also a very good point. It’s just about impossible, but at least if it comes across our path, we should try to be as open as possible to being respectful as possible. But we can’t force traditions/cultures onto other people. Just like the peace sign inward to me, will never be considered f-you to me.
It’s like when in Quebec at a daycare, there was this child eating using a fork and spoon at the same time. He happens to be filipino and this the paper said, that was how they ate. The filipino community was really offended that people would make such a huge deal out of a child eating that way, as it is normal for them, and it was rude not to let the child eat in the way that was comfortable for him. The daycare worker was trying to tell the child that it isn’t normal the way he was eating.
I mean come on?! A fork and spoon, give it a break. I even let my kids eat that way and I’m not filipino.
Some things are not worth the nit picking honestly.
It’s not just that we will interact with other groups and cultures and have to be mindful of them (which we should, insofar as it is feasible).
They too are interacting with us and have to be mindful of us. It cannot be a one-way street, where one group tiptoes around another.
I’m aware of the FU sign they’re referring to, it’s done with a thrust, but nevertheless, I think it is clear in the photo that your little sweetheart is not flipping anyone off. As if!
As for the photos, I understand to a point about not wanting your url on them, but in all frankness, if the forum doesn’t respect your right to mark your work with your company name, they aren’t using either business sense or courtesy. They must be aware of the challenges you and every other artist faces in this digital world, and if they aren’t willing to support you in protecting your work, you’re better off not posting your work there.
Finally, although in the end they allowed you to keep your name in Arabic, I would suggest that if such a proposal was put forth again, you request in return that no one should post their name in French or Spanish or Italian, etc. No accent egrave, no n with the little squiggly, everyone in English only, if that’s the way they want to play it. See how well that flies.
It tells you, clearly, that they are not the least bit concerned with being open or friendly to ALL cultures, as they claimed re: the peace sign photo, or they wouldn’t have attempted to force you to take down Arabic script. So certain cultures are to be coddled, while others are to be excluded, if possible.
I personally see this as a biggoted tendancy in the group’s administration, perhaps well-hidden, but there, and I personally wouldn’t involve myself in them for that reason.
Some people go mad with power. People who do so online are usually those with very little power in their real lives so they lord it over others when the oppportunity arises.
Don’t let it bother you. Enough of this behaviour will alientate the types of people you would have been interested in or found useful to you, so there will be no real loss to you, in the end.
Thank you! As always you always have these amazing, POWERFUL (LOL!!) words to say. You also make plain sense to me. Honestly. I am so glad our paths have come across each other.
Your daughter looks wonderful in the picture and I can’t imagine in what way it might be offending to anyone!!!
Love from Belgium (yes, that’s Europe hahahahaha),
Conny
Conny, thanks for your post! I am glad to know I am not insulting anyone from Belgium! It’s so confusing, to just really know, all the places certain things could be considered offensive.
I think it might actually have to so with the way the peace sign is done too (not just the thrust motion). In Europe it was seen as vulger to do the peace sign with fingers facing out and it’s possible that the forum in question has made this mistake. If it really meant f-you why are there pictures of Churchill showing the peace sign exactly the way your (beautiful) daughter is showing it? I agree forums are going too far, I have noticed a few things in the last couple years in ones I believe you are referring too that have made me wonder. Seems more about them making $$ then being a place for sharing, support and help. You’re right the forums have ripped the community apart I know that from personal experance.
Yeah this is true Maggie. I didn’t realize there was a pic of Churchill doing this though.,hhhhmm. Yeah some of the forums do end up being about control, and censorship. I just don’t think it’ll ever be for me. I see a blog as being more productive for just general information purposes, because it’s presumed this is a person’s personal realm online, so people can’t really take offense as easily (over control issues).
First time visiting your blog, just wanted to say that it is true in my country (England) that hand gesture does mean “F-off” BUT all the same I think it’s a super cute picture and I don’t think that the image is offensive at all.
Thank you SatNaamSriWaheguru, I appreciate knowing at least. I hadn’t realized when the picture was taken, and no offense was intented!